The Great Anime Baseball Game
by animedeprived
Summary: A hilarious mix of five great animes. They all get together to play a nice game of Tea-free baseball. Or so they think. Colorful interactive comments from the author included. r&r!
1. The Lineups

animedeprived: This is the starting lineup for my baseball fanfiction. There's a reserve team, too, so the lineups will be switching. Trust me, I'm not gonna play favorites. Everyone gets replaced eventually.

_**THE GOOD GUYS**_

Pitcher - Shizuru/Grandpa

Catcher - Argo/Genkai

First base - Domon/Megumi

Second base - Kenshin/Marie Louise

Third base - Yusuke/Kaoru

Shortstop - Hiei/Saisaichi

Right field - Sano/Rain

Left field - Joey/Kuwabara

Center field - Kurama/Yahiko

_**THE BAD GUYS**_

Pitcher - Jin/Gohei

Catcher - Aoshi/Weevil

First base - Kanryu/Rebecca

Second base - Yami Bakura/Rando

Third base - Jinei/Pegasus

Shortstop - Toguro/Master

Right field - Shishio/Wong

Left field - Ilube/Rex

Center field - Sojiro/Duke


	2. The Beginning

animedeprived: (staring at new earrings in mirror) Hi everybody! I just got my ears pierced! It hurt like heck! Yipee!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, G Gundam, Yu Yu Hakusho, Cardcaptors, Rurouni Kenshin (though I wish I did because then I would legally own Kenshin and be able to sue the stupid stalker) or anything else in this fic that is owned by another person/company. I can't remember them all right now. My memory sucks.

"And it's one, two, three strikes, you're out at the OLD, **BALL** **GAME**!"

"And that was 'Take me out to the Ball Game,' sung by our own Mokuba Kaiba, and if I might add, it was very off-key. This is Mai Valentine with my announcing partner, Yugi Moto, bringing you the greatest baseball game of all time! We have quite a line up today. Yugi, will you introduce the teams?"

"Sure, Mai." Yugi says. "Today on the home team, the Good Guys, we have, from Yu Yu Hakusho, Yusuke Urameshi, Shizuru Kuwabara, Hiei Jones, and Kurama Gerber! From G Gundam, Domon Kashuu and Argo Gulski! From Rurouni Kenshin, Kenshin 'Battosai the Manslayer' Himura and Sanosuke Sagara! From Yu-Gi-Oh, we have... Joey Wheeler? What happened to Yami? And why _JOEY_?"

A pece of paper is thrust onscreen. Mokuba takes it and announces, "The Good Guys say that Yami couldn't show up today, Seto Kaiba had an important meeting, Grandpa was too old, Tristan had a hot date, Marik had been chosen by the other team, and no one else worthwhile tried out, so they had to use Joey. They are asking if they can just ditch him and play with eight people. No? Sorry, guys, you're screwed."

Yugi continued his intros. "Now, on the visiting team, the Bad Guys, from Yu Yu Hakusho, there is Toguro Taylor, and Jin Whirlwind. From G Gundam, General Petey Ilube. From Rurouni Kenshin, Makoto Shishio, Aoshi Shinomori, Jinei Homo, and Sojiro 'Rabid Tenken' Seita. From Yu-Gi-Oh, Yami Bakura 'I Will Send You To The Shadow Realm' Buttenski." Yugi paused and covered the microphone with one hand.

"Is that really Bakura's last name?" He asked.

Mai and Mokuba shrugged.

"Okay..." Yugi uncovered the mike. "The visiting team will be up to bat first! Let's start the game!"

"First up for the Bad Guys is Marik!" Mai announced.

Marik stepped up to the plate, in a vegetable-like state. He has a totally blank expression on his face and drool is running out of his open mouth. It's soaking everything from his clothes to the bat to the catcher, Argo.

"Gross!" Argo yelled when a huge glob of spit hits his mask. "TIME OUT!"

He digs around in his vest, finding a smashed candy bar, some crumpled sheets of paper with "I love Nestasha" (or however you spell that Russian chick's name) on them, a hairy toothbrush, the key to his handcuffs, and a tiny, fuzzy pink teddy bear.

Argo blushed and shoved the bear back into his pocket. "That's not mine."

"Yeah, sure, it's not, Argo!" Sano yelled from right field.

"Shut up!" Argo yelled back. He kept digging in his vest until he found an umbrella with a headband on it. He opened it and settled it over his catcher's mask. "Okay, I'm ready."

Marik stood at the ready, on the wrong side of the plate and holding the thick end of the bat.

"Idiot!" Yami Bakura yelled from the dugout. "Turn the bat around and move three feet to your left!"

Marik straightened, looked at the bat, then spun it around so the name "Kaiba Corp. Quality Sports Equipment" faced him instead of the ground. Then he resumed his batting stance.

"You are the stupidest (beep) person I have ever (beep)ing met!" Yami Bakura yelled. He stormed out onto the field, took the bat from Marik, and cracked it in half on his head.

"Bring me a new bat!" Yami Bakura shouted.

Duke, the Bad Guys' bat boy, ran obediently onto the field with a new bat and handed it to Yami Bakura, then ran back to his position next to the bat rack.

Yami Bakura shoved the bat into Marik's hands (the right way) then pushed him over the plate to where he was supposed to stand.

"There!" Yami Bakura yelled. "You stand right here and when that ball comes, you had better hit it, or ELSE!"

"Or else what?" Marik asked mockingly.

Yami Bakura grabbed Marik by the collar. "Or else I lock you in the Shadow Realm for all eternity with that Gardner chick! AND I'll make sure it's only a small piece of the Shadow Realm so you can't get away from her!"

Marik gulped and squeaked, "Yes, sir."

"Good." Yami Bakura said, putting Marik back down.

"Can I pitch?" Shizuru asked.

"Sure." Yami Bakura said, going back to the dugout. "Go right ahead."

"Finally." Shizuru muttered. She wound up and pitched a fast ball right over the plate.

Marik stood frozen in place. Bakura's words still had him scared stiff.

"Strike one!" Sakura Avalon, from Cardcaptors, said.

Argo threw the ball back to Shizuru, who wound up and pitched again. Again, Marik didn't even flinch as it passed right over the plate.

"Strike two!" Sakura called.

"YOU (beep, beep, beep, beep, beep)!" Yami Bakura yelled. "You had better hit this one or it's off to the Shadow Realm for you!"

That snapped Marik out of his fear and even held the effects of the drugs and alcohol off for a few minutes. Marik's brain actually repaired itself a little so Marik had enough hand-eye coordination to hit the ball into deep left field when it came his way again.

"I got it, I got it!" Joey yelled, running around in circles under the ball. He held up his mitt to catch it.

The ball came down two inches to the left of Joey's glove and hit him in the face.

"Ow! My nose!" Joey yelled, dropping his mitt and grabbing his nose. The ball rolled a few feet away.

"Run, stupid!" Ilube yelled to Marik (the second Marik hit the ball, the narcotics kicked in again. He hadn't moved from home and was drooling again).

"IF YOU DON'T GET TO FIRST BASE IN THE NEXT TWO SECONDS, IT'S STRAIGHT TO THE SHADOW REALM YOU GO!" Yami Bakura shouted.

Marik shrieked and ran to first base so fast he vanished from home plate and reappeared at first.

"That's better." Yami Bakura muttered. He picked a new bat from the rack (the one Marik had was covered in drool) and walked up to the plate.

Shizuru wound up and threw a curve ball. It passed over the plate and Yami Bakura hit a pop fly to the baseline between first and second base.

Yami Bakura ran halfway to first and Marik was still standing there, cross-eyed and drooling.

"RUN, YOU IDIOT!" Yami Bakura yelled.

Marik saw Bakura running toward him and snapped out of it again. He screamed and ran three-fourths of the way to second, then stopped and his brain cells died again.

Bakura's fly ball had hit its peak and was starting to come down. Marik watched it as it fell at him and said, "Huh. Moon mus' be...(hic)...comin' out...(hic)...early t'night..."

With the force of the space shuttle returning to Earth, the baseball slammed into Marik's face, knocking him to the ground and lodging itself in his eye.

Marik sat up and shook his head. The ball stayed firmly wedged in place. He reached up and plucked it out.

Marik looked at the ball with his good eye, studying it intently, and then he shoved it in his mouth and started sucking on it.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Everyone in the stadium shouted.

"That's disgusting!" Shura exclaimed from the stands.

"How can you stand to be related to something like that?" Keiko asked Ishizu.

"We don't see each other very often." Ishizu said, blushing. "I disowned him about ten years ago."

Marik sat down and started trying to chew the ball. That didn't work so he swallowed it.

For a second, Marik sat there and grinned, but then his face started to turn a lovely shade of blue-violet. He grabbed his throat and started to make strange, gargling noises.

Everyone stared at him and made no effort whatsoever to help him.

Marik frantically dug in his ear, pulled out Roddy, and started to hit himself on the back with it. (The fact that he's dying must make him smarter than usual). He gagged, then spat the ball out onto the ground.

Marik's face instantly went blank again. He stared at the ball, covered in spit and dirt, picked it up, shoved it in his mouth, and started to suck on it again.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Sakura, with a look of pure venom on her face, stormed onto the field.

"You spit that ball out right now!" She screamed at Marik. "You're holding up the game!"

Marik stared at her stupidly and shook his head.

"Spit it out!"

Marik shook his head.

Sakura turned scarlet and walked around to Marik's back. She plucked her Pink Star Wand from midair and used it like a bat to deliver a bone-crushing blow to the back of Marik's neck.

Marik cried out in pain and the ball fell out of his open mouth. He whimpered, then reached for the ball again.

"I DON'T THINK SO!" Sakura yelled. "Float Card, release and dispel!"

Marik was suddenly levitated five feet off the ground. He looked down at the ground and said, "Oooooo, look at all the people! They look like ants!" (a/n They ARE ants, stupid!)

Sakura pointed her Wand at the stadium wall, Marik flew there, slammed against the wall headfirst, and stuck.

"Lock Card, release and dispel!" Sakura said.

Chains sprang from the wall and wrapped around Marik, pinning him against the wall upside down.

Sakura turned around, her face bright red, steam pouring from her ears, and yelled, "DOES ANYONE **ELSE** WANT TO ARGUE WITH ME?"

Everyone in the stadium had moved as far away from the field as possible. The players were all huddled up against the wall on the opposite side of the field. They all shook their heads.

"GOOD! GET BACK OUT THERE AND LET'S KEEP GOING!"

Yugi's frightened voice came over the PA system. "Umm, Miss Avalon, if you don't mind, since Marik's out of the game, the Bad Guys need to pick a player from their reserve team."  
"FINE! WE'LL TAKE A FIVE MINUTE BREAK, BUT AFTER THAT, NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!"

"Yes, ma'am." Yugi says. "Come on, Bakura, pick somebody! QUICK!"

Finally, FINALLY, the first part is done! Sweet! Why are all the seemingly nice people always have such nasty tempers? In the last one, it was Ishizu. Now it's Sakura! Congrats to her for getting some respect from those bum fighter guys, though! What else is going to happen, you ask? Well, I DON'T KNOW, OKAY? Jeez, just because I'm writing this fic, you think I know what happens. Stay tuned for the next part and we'll find out together. OH, CRAP, HERE COME SOME GNOMES! I GOTTA GO HIDE! MAYBE THEY WON'T FIND ME IF I GO STRAIGHT TO PART TWO!


	3. The Shizuru Slam

"We're back and after much 'persuasion' from our umpire, the Bad Guys have finally chosen to replace Marik with Kanryu Takeita." Mai announced over the loudspeaker. "Why? I'm not sure. Let's watch and find out!"

"It's because I have the most money!" Kanryu shouted. "That makes me the bravest! No man here can match my bravery!"

"Maybe not, but I know a certain little girl who's a hundred times braver than you, you ugly moron!" Megumi shouted from the Good Guys reserve dugout.

"You keep your pretty mouth shut, Megumi Takani!" Kanryu yelled back. "The only reason you're alive is because I let you live! If you don't show me the respect I deserve, I'll have you kidnaped and force you to make opium for me again."

"Ha!" Megumi laughed. "That wasn't opium and you know it! That was LSD! You took it to get high and sold it to that Marik guy for a profit!"

Kanryu immediately shut up and sat down.

"Come on!" Shizuru yelled. "Get your next batter out here!"

Toguro stepped out of the dugout, grabbed the largest bat there was (a tree trunk) and walked up to the plate.

"The Bad Guys have one out!" Sakura called.

"How do we have an out?" Shishio asked.

"Because Marik got hit by the ball while he was off base and I don't like him, so it's an out." Sakura answered. "Got a problem with that?"

"No." Shishio replied quickly. "Not at all."

Toguro knocked his tree trunk against the ground and took his batting stance.

"Come on, little girl." He said. "Show me what you've got."

Shizuru grinned wickedly. "Just for that, I'll give you my special pitch. I call it the Shizuru Slam."

Sizuru wound up and threw the strangest pitch anyone had ever seen. First it zigged. Then it zagged. Then it flew down to Toguro's feet, hovering an inch above the ground. Toguro leaned over to stare at it and the ball flew up and hit him right between the eyes.

"Ow." Toguro said dully. He staggered forward, falling flat on his face and starting to twitch.

"Geez, Shizuru." Yusuke said. "Just because the guy's my enemy is no reason to kill him!"

"What makes you think I did that for you?" Shizuru asked. "He called me a little girl. He deserved it."

Sakura glanced at Toguro and called, "Out!"

"Good call!" Botan yelled from the stands. "That's the way you do it, girlfriend! Don't give any of them an inch!"

"We need a new player out here!"Sakura yelled as two medics dragged Toguro off the field.

Sojiro came up to the plate as Master Asia scurried out of the reserve dugout to take Toguro's place.

Sojiro hit the bat against the ground, the started to bounce up and down, tapping his feet.

"WHAT are you doing?" Domon asked from first base.

"I am preparing to run at my max speed." Sojiro said. "You had better be ready to move, Tomb Raider!" He called to Yami Bakura. "When I hit this ball, I'm going to be on that base in less than a second. I WILL run you over if I have to."

"Yeah, whatever!" Domon said. "You have to hit the ball first!"  
"Oh, I will." Sojiro replied. "And I will utilize its power to TAKE. YOU. OUT."

"CAN I PITCH?" Shizuru roared.

Sojiro laughed cynically. "I dunno. Can you?"

"That's it!" Shizuru yelled. "Get ready! Here comes another Shizuru Slam!"

Shizuru threw the ball and it followed the course it took with Toguro. As the ball zigged and zagged, Sojiro just kept bouncing up and down calmly. He was in the air when the ball flew up and as it flew toward his face he hit it with the bat. Then Sojiro vanished and was on first base in the blink of an eye (though he didn't move nearly as fast as Marik).

Yami Bakura was already on second.

"Hey, how did you get there?" Sano asked.

"He stole second while you were all busy arguing, that he did." Kenshin said.

"Well, why didn't you say something!" Shizuru yelled.

"I did not want to interrupt, that I did not." Kenshin said. "That would have been rude, that it would."

"YOU IDIOT!"

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Domon laughed.

Sojiro's ball (which had been flying through the air the entire time) fell from the sky and hit Domon on the head so hard it shattered on impact.

Domon blinked.

Yusuke stared at Domon. "How are you still standing?"

Domon struck a dramatic pose, flashing a peace sign at the camera and a breeze ruffled the ends of his headband. "Cuz I'm the toughest and coolest fighter here and everyone loves me."

Yusuke snickered. "Then why was your show cancelled?"

Domon turned red. "SHUT UP, IT'S NOT FUNNY"

Domon fell flat on his face.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Yusuke laughed. "I guess he wasn't as tough as he thought!"

"Maybe next time you idiots will believe me when I say I'm going to do something," Sojiro said. "I told him that I would take him out and I told you all that jumping would make me run fast."

"I can run ten times that fast and I don't have to bounce up and down like a moron." Hiei commented.

"Hey, Mr. Happy!" Shizuru yelled. "How did you hit my Shizuru Slam?"

"It was really quite simple." Sojiro explained. "After I watched you pitch to Toguro, I saw that the secret behind your Shizuru Slam is-"

(Ok, time to move on to the next part!)

"Hey wait!" Shizuru cut in. "I wanna hear what Mr. Happy thinks my secret is."

"Yeah, why won't you let him tell?" Joey asked.

(Because he...she...well, I don't know what it is and I don't want you to tell me. I want to figure it out for myself.)

"A stupid human like you'll never figure it out." Yami Bakura said.

"The secret is-" Sojiro began.

((screen fades to black))

Later, guys! Yami Bakura, watch that "stupid human" crap. Remember, I control what happens to you. I'll see ya in part three. And no whining about me cutting it short or TEA makes her grand entrance.

Cast: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


	4. Jin's Gibberish

In the Good Guys' reserve dugout, Kuwabara scooted closer to Megumi and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, baby." Kuwabara said. "What're you doing later tonight?"

"Nothing with you." Megumi snapped. "Get off of me, you ugly freak."

"Ah, come on, baby. You know you want me."

On the field, Sakura told Kenshin, "Good Guys need to pick a new player."

Kenshin surveyed the Good Guys' reserve dugout. "Now, who should I pick?"

Megumi shoved Kuwabara away, leapt to her feet, and waved her arms over her head frantically.

"How about...Megumi!"

Megumi cheered, stuck her tongue out at Kaoru (who's got steam coming out of her ears), then ran out onto the field and clung to Kenshin's arm.

"Oh, Sir Ken, once again you have saved me! How may I repay you?"

Kenshin laughed nervously. "Oh, it was nothing, that it was."

"Hey, Swordguy" Kuwabara shouted. "How could you leave me here with the old people and little kids?"

Everyone in the dugout glared at Kuwabara.

"Sit down and shut up!" Yusuke yelled. "We'll pick you next time!"

"Oh. Okay." Kuwabara sat down.

"You don't really mean that, do you?" Kurama asked.

"No." Yusuke said. "But I'm not above lying to him if it keeps him quiet."

"NEXT BATTER!" Sakura yelled.

Jin walked up to the plate. "I guess O'Malley smash pen boil trees."

(Do not adjust your computer screens. That is what it is supposed to say.)

"O-kay." Yugi said. "Did anyone out there understand that?"  
"He said he guesses it's his turn!" Keiko yelled from the stands. "Don't worry. He gets easier to understand the more you listen to him."

"We'll take your word for it." Mai said.

"Take map people gun Avril Lavigne peace thingamabob." Jin said to Shizuru.

In the announcer's box, the hand thrust a piece of paper on screen. Mokuba took it and read it over the speakers.

"According to Miss Keiko Yukimura, Jin said, 'Take your best shot.'"

"Fine, I will." Shizuru said. "But first, just to keep it fair, you might need a bat."

"No, fingernail hokey pokey cheese."

Another piece of paper is given to Mokuba.

"Keiko says that Jin said that he doesn't need a bat."

Jin grinned and moved his right arm around in circles, creating his tornado fist attack. "Holiday baboon frying pan."

Mokuba received another sheet of paper.

"Jin said, 'Bring it on.'"

Shizuru shrugged. "Okay." She wound up and pitched the ball.

As it approached home plate, the ball was sucked into Jin's whirlwind. It looped around his arm five time, then shot out toward right field.

"I got it!" Joey yelled.

"NO, YOU IDIOT!" Sano yelled. "IT'S IN MY FIELD, SO IT'S **_MINE_**!"

"Nuh-uh, it's mine!" Joey yelled.

"It's mine!" Sano yelled.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"It's mine, you dummy and you had better stay there while I catch it!"

The ball flew up and hit Sano where it hurts.

Sano's face turned blue and he fell to his knees.

"Ow..."

The ball rolled away.

"Nice catch stupid!" Joey laughed.

The ball came flying in from somewhere off screen and hit Joey in the same spot. He also turned blue in the face, fell to his knees, and squeaked in pain.

Kurama shook violently. He knew even making a tiny sound would get him killed, but he couldn't control it!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kurama laughed so hard he fell over and rolled around on the ground, tears shooting from his eyes. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hiei dashed out to right field, grabbed the ball, ran to the pitcher's mound, handed it to Shizuru, and made it back to his shortstop position just as Sojiro got to second.

"See?" Hiei told Sojiro. "I told you I could run ten times faster than you without looking like a moron."

"Happy duct tape razor door." Jin said proudly.

Mokuba received a new sheet of paper.

"Jin said, 'I told you I could do it."'

"Yeah, and the next thing you need to do is get some help for that speech impediment." Yami Bakura yelled from third. "That way we won't have to run to Urameshi's girlfriend for a translation every time you open your mouth."

"She is NOT my girlfriend!" Yusuke yelled.

Jin pulled a cane and a black top hat from his belt and went into a full Broadway-style song-and-dance routine.

_"Be kind to your web-footed friends! _

_For a duck may be somebody's mooother. _

_Be kind to your friends in the swamp! _

_Where the weather is very, very damp!_

_You may think that this is the end! _

_Well, it is."_

Everyone in the stadium fell flat on their faces.

The hand gave Mokuba another piece of paper. Mokuba pulled his microphone off the table so he could stay on the floor in a semi-shocked position as he read it.

"Jin said, '**_SHUT UP_**!'"

Jin turned to face the section of the audience where Shura, Keiko, Botan, Allenby, and Ishizu were sitting.

"Pizza tile Madonna quack quack Keiko hot!"

"HEY, LEPRECHAUN!" Yusuke yelled at Jin. "DID YOU JUST CALL MY GIRLFRIEND HOT?"

"No, of course he didn't." Keiko said. "Jin was just saying thank you to me for translating for him."

"HE JUST CALLED YOU HOT!" Yusuke shouted. "I'M NOT GONNA STAND FOR IT! YOU'RE **_MY_** GIRLFRIEND! COME ON, HOT AIR FOR BRAINS! PUT 'EM UP!"

Keiko sighed. "So he finally admits I'm his girlfriend because he can get into a fight over it."

"Well, at least the guy you like is willing to fight for you." Allenby said. "The guy I like doesn't notice me at all. I would have been a better player than Rain, but since Domon loves her and not me, I'm stuck up here in the stands instead of down there on the field where I'd be useful."

"PUT UP YER DUKES!" Yusuke yelled at Jin.

"Hey, I take that as a personal insult!" Duke said.

Jin screamed like a little girl as Yusuke started punching. He managed to dodge all but the last blow. Yusuke socked him a good one right in the gut and Jin flew.

"Plug it in, plug it iiinnnnn..." Jin cried as he disappeared over the horizon.

Sakura pulled out her Wand again. "WINDY CARD, RELEASE!"

Yusuke was lifted into the air.

"Holy cheese on ryyyyeeeeee..." Yusuke cried as he followed Jin out of sight.

"Hey, what'd ya do that for?" Argo asked.

"Unnecessary roughness and excessive use of violence on a member of the opposing team while on the field." Sakura said. "Not to mention the fact that he was being very rude. Both teams choose a new player."

"WAHOO!" Kuwabara cheered. "Urameshi's gone! That means it's my turn to get onto the field!"

"Guess again, half-wit." Hiei said. "Yusuke promised that you would get chosen next. Now that he's gone, we don't have to keep that promise, which means you're not going anywhere."

"Ah, (beep)" Kuwabara said, sitting back on the bench.

"We want Miss Kaoru to come out now." Kenshin said. "She's been giving me the evil eye since I chose Miss Megumi, that she has. I'm afraid for my life right now, that I am."

Kaoru's face lit up and she ran out onto the field to grab Kenshin's arm.

"Oh, Kenshin! My hero! I was getting so tired of sitting in there with that jerk."

Megumi grabbed Kenshin's other arm. "Let go of Sir Ken. He saved ME first, so he's MINE!"

"AS IF!" Kaoru yelled. "Kenshin tell her that you love me and she's an ugly old witch!"

"Umm, well, I can't." Kenshin said. "That would be very rude, that it would, because-"

"Because Sir Ken loves ME!" Megumi said. She pulled on Kenshin's arm. "Now let go."

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"NO! YOU LET GO!"

"Will BOTH of you please let go!" Kenshin yelled over the two as he was tugged back and forth. "You're going to rip me in two!"

Up in the announcer's box, Yugi takes over the mike.

"Well, folks, we're going to take an early seventh-inning stretch while the Bad Guys discuss who to choose as their new player and we peel Kaoru and Megumi off Kenshin. Oh, by the way, Mokuba, who's that handing those papers to you all the time? A guy you brought from Kaiba Corp?"

"No," Mokuba said, "It's just a hand."

Yugi turned white. "Y-You're k-kidding."

"No." Mokuba said. "It's JUST a hand. Take a look."

The camera pans to the right to show the hand that has been giving Mokuba all the papers. It's just floating in the air, devoid of any body whatsoever.

Yugi screamed and ran through the wall of the announcer's box, down the back wall of the stadium and into the distance.

"Well, that was enlightening." Mai said. She shrugged. "I think it's time to stop beating the dead horse and move on to the next part."

(That's MY line, thank you very much.)

"Hey, writer chick." Mai said. "Am I gonna get someone new to replace Yugi anytime soon?"

(Um, I could get somebody, but I don't think you'll like who I pick...)

"Never mind." Mai said quickly. "Mokuba and I can handle it. We don't need any help, do we?"

Mokuba shook his head furiously.

Well, ok. Just remember, ONE word about how I'm writing this fic and SHE will come. It's amazing! I have written parts two and three in about half the time it took me to write part one! Go figure. Jin's song is probably going to be the highlight of this entire fanfic. Have you ever heard it before? Catch ya all in part four!


	5. Gohei's Problem

"All right!" Sakura yelled. "The Bad Guys have chosen Gohei to replace Jin. They have two outs, runners on second and third. Next batter!"

Ilube walked up to the plate.

"What's with the mask?" Shizuru asked. "Isn't it hard to see with that thing on?"

"LAY OFF!" Ilube shouted. "Just throw the ball to me!"

Shizuru grinned. "Fine, you don't have to get so snippy about it. Jeez." She threw a fast ball right over the plate.

Ilube swung at the ball, and because he had an iron mask over one eye, it severely screwed up his depth perception and he swung two feet above the ball.

Laughing, Argo caught the ball and tossed it back to Shizuru.

"SHUT UP!" Ilube yelled. "Pitch it again!"

Shizuru wound up and threw a curve ball that, once again, passed right over the plate.

Ilube swung again, but this time, instead of swinging two feet above, he swung two feet below the ball.

Argo laughed so hard his umbrella hat fell off. After a couple minutes, he managed to say, "You know, if you put those two swings together, you would hit the ball!"

"GO SHOVE IT IN YOUR EAR!" Ilube yelled.

"You know, if you just took the stupid mask off, you might hit the ball." Shizuru suggested.

"YOU JUST PITCH THE BALL, GIRLIE!"

Shizuru glared at Ilube, then said sweetly, "Fine. Are you ready? CUZ HERE IT COMES!"

Shzuru chucked the ball at Ilube. Unlike the other two, this one didn't go over the plate. It targeted Ilube's face and smashed into him. Ilube was knocked to the ground and his mask landed beside him with a loud metallic thud!

Tiny stars floated around Ilube's head as he sat up. He wobbled and mumbled, "Ooo, lookit da purty lights."

Everyone in the stadium burst out laughing.

"Nice scar, freak!" Jinei yelled from the dugout.

"If you come work for me, I'll pay for the plastic surgery to get that fixed!" Kanryu added.

Ilube grabbed his mask and desperately tried to put it back on, but the ball left a huge dent in it and it fell off again.

Ilube burst into tears and ran out of the stadium, crying, "MOMMY!"

Kenshin glanced around at the people busting a gut about Ilube's scar and asked, "Miss Kaoru, why are they all making fun of the creepy unproportioned man?"

"Because of the ugly scar on his face." Kaoru said, still laughing.

Kenshin clapped one hand over his scar. "So, you think scars on the face are ugly?"

"Oh, no, Sir Ken." Megumi said soothingly. "Your scar is wonderful. It's so cross-shaped and dashing. It makes you look brave. That guy's scar was hideous because it went right through his eye."

Sakura waited until the laughter died down, then called, "Out! Inning's over! Switch positions! Good Guys at bat, Bad Guys in the field. Let's go, chop chop!"

"While we're waiting for everyone to get settled, and since Yugi's no longer with us, I will now read the new team lineups." Mai said.

"So far, the Bad Guys have lost four players, Marik, Toguro, Jin, and Ilube. Their new team is Yami Bakura, Aoshi, Jinei, Shishio, Sojiro, Kanryu "the Rich Snob" Takeita, Gohei "No Hands" Hiruma, Master Asia, and Rex "You Need a Mint Cause You've Got Some Serious Dino Breath" Raptor."

"The Good Guys have lost two players, Domon and Yusuke, so their new lineup is Shizuru, Argo, Kenshin, Hiei, Sano, Joey, Kurama, Megumi "The Fox" Takani, and Kaoru "The Ugly Raccoon Girl" Kamiya."

Kaoru ran over to the reserve dugout and whacked Yahiko with her wooden sword.

"OW!" Yahiko yelled. "Why the heck are you only hitting me? Sano helped!"

"Sanosuke's in more pain right now than I could ever put him through." Kaoru said wickedly.

Argo, Kenshin, and Kuwabara have gone to the outfield to "help" their three players off the field. Argo flung Sano over his shoulder and Kenshin grabbed Joey by the arms, dragging him over to the dugout. Both are still frozen from pain.

Kurama is still rolling around on the ground, laughing hysterically.

Kuwabara stared at him.

"Dude, it wasn't that funny." Kuwabara said. "So you can stop laughing now, okay?"

Kurama kept laughing.

"Hey, little brother!" Shizuru yelled from the dugout. "Just bring him over here and get your butt back to the reserve dugout! You're wasting time! I wanna get this game going before Little Miss Perfect out there gets ticked again and makes us all airborne!"

Sakura spun around. "What was that?"

Shizuru grinned. "You heard me."

Sakura pulled her Pink Star Wand out of the air, pointed it at Shizuru, and cried, "Windy!"

Shizuru vanished into a hurricane-force wind.

Mai came back over the PA system. "We have correction to the team lineups. Shizuru has also been eliminated. Good Guys must select a new reserve player before we can commence with the second inning."

Kenshin thought about it.

...and thought...

...and thought...

"Come on, stupid!" Argo yelled. "I don't know about you but I do NOT want to follow Shizuru!"

Kenshin thought some more, then smiled.

"I don't have any idea who I should pick!" He said cheerfully. "Whoever you decide on is fine with me, that it is."

Argo fumed and looked at the people in the reserve dugout. He yelled, "Ok, Old Man Moto, get your butt out here now!"

"Hey, what about me?" Kuwabara asked. "You can't leave me here with the old people and little kids! Especially since you took away two of the pretty ladies!"

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Everyone in the stadium yelled.

The remainder of people in the reserve dugout glared at Kuwabara.

"Batter up!" Sakura yelled.

Kenshin walked out to the plate, refusing the bat Marimo offered him, and took his stance, holding his reverse blade sword like a bat.

The catcher, Aoshi, held up his mitt and they waited.

((five minutes later))

They're still waiting.

"What is taking you so long?" Aoshi yelled.

The pitcher, Gohei, is standing on the mound, arms crossed, pouting.

"What is your problem?" Shura called from the stands.

"I've got a better question." Gohei said. "WHO'S THE GENIUS WHO DECIDED THAT I WOULD BE THE PITCHER!"

(That would be ME. Duh. Got a problem with it?)

Joey snapped out of his paralysis. "No, he doesn't! He has no problems whatsoever!""Yeah, I DO have a problem!" Gohei yelled. "I've got two busted hands! How do you expect me to pitch?"

(Beats me. You figure it out.)

"Keep your mouth shut, you idiot!" The spectators scream in perfect unison.

"NO!" Gohei yelled. "I will not be silenced! You know what I think, Miss High-and-Mighty Writer Chick? YOUR WRITING STINKS!"

(Oo, tell me you did not just say that. Oh, well. Not a problem. I assume you all know what this means.)

The speakers turned on and a perky and optimistic voice resounded though the stadium.

"Hey, everybody! What's up! It's me, Tea! I guess I'll be announcing from now on, because Mai and Mokuba ran off for some reason when I came up! They must have just remembered that they needed to be somewhere or something!"

The audience screamed and a mass riot ensued as everyone tried to run out of the stadium at the same time. In a matter of seconds, the stands were empty except for Shura, Botan, Keiko, Ishizu, and Allenby, who have all shoved huge cotton balls that are bigger than their heads into their ears, hoping to drown out the sound of Tea's voice.

The players tried to stampede off of the field, but titanium bars shot out of the walls, sealing off all the exits.

(You guys can't go yet. The game's not over. GET BACK IN YOUR POSITIONS!)

Everyone shuffled back onto the field.

(There's just one more thing I need to do before we end this part.)

All the bats in the stadium flew out to the pitcher's mound and started beating Gohei mercilessly. Then, when he was bloody and bruised beyond recognition, the pitcher's mound split open and Gohei disappeared into the depths of the Earth, where he was doomed to forever live as the personal slave of the leader of all the gnomes.

I love being an active participant in my fanfics. I should do it more often. That's it for this part. And we have a correction. The part with Jin wasn't the funniest thing. Personally, I like Gohei's beating much more. It relieved so much of my stress. I guess I'll see you all in part five.


	6. From Here On, It Just Gets Weird

"Hey, everybody, it's Tea here! In case you'd forgotten, I took over announcing for the baseball game after Mokuba and Mai left suddenly! I love public speaker systems because they let me spread the message of friendship and love to those less fortunate. For now, though, let's continue the game! You're going to have to pardon me because I don't know everyone here-"

"Lucky people." Yami Bakura, Joey, Rex, Weevil, Grandpa, and Pegasus muttered.

"-so if I get anyone's name wrong, I'm sorry. I just want to be your friend forever. Right now, the Good Guys are at bat and Kenshin is up. Rando is replacing Gohei as the pitcher."

Out on the mound, Rando used his stolen technique (beats me which one) to make a baseball-sized fireball appear in his hand.

"Here's where the game really gets interesting." Rando said. "If you miss one of MY pitches, you'll burn to a cinder."

Kenshin smiled. "Then it will be like fighting Shishio again, that it will."

"We'll see about that!" Rando said, chucking one of his fireballs.

Kenshin held up his reverse blade sword again and used the Amakakaru Ryu no Hirameki to smash the ball into right field. Unfortunately, he couldn't cope with the momentum and his sword just kept going until it crashed into the side of Aoshi's head, breaking his catcher's mask and knocking him unconscious.

Kenshin failed to notice this because he was still swinging around. When he stopped, he was facing the baseline and ran to first. Kenshin sheathed his sword and stared at Kanryu.

Karyu shrieked, ran to second, and grabbed Yami Bakura's leg.

Yami Bakura shook his leg to try and get Kanryu off. That didn't work. Yami Bakura then took off his Millennium Ring and proceeded to beat Kanryu with it.

"Let! Go! Of! Me!" Yami Bakura shouted.

Kanryu clung tighter and started sucking his thumb.

Yami Bakura took one of the spikes on his Millennia Ring, pointed it at Kanryu's heart, and...

Meanwhile, in right field, Shishio had a pen in hand and was writing furiously. His bandages were already covered in writing.

"No, that won't work, either." He muttered, scratching out what he just wrote. "I have to think of a good world domination plan soon! I'm running out of bandages and I forgot to bring paper! I didn't think this stupid thing would take so long!"

Kenshin's fireball flew in and slammed into Shishio's chest. Shishio instantly burst into flames.

"WATER! WATER!" Shishio shrieked, running around in circles. "SOMEONE BRING ME WATER! YUMI! GET ME SOME WATER!"

"She can't." Sano said. "You stabbed her, remember? She's been dead for a while now."

Shishio stopped. "Oh, yeah."

The fire flared up, then died.

A pile of ash floated to the ground.

"Well, there he goes." Kaoru said.

"Hey, wait." Yahiko said. "Didn't that happen last time, when we got sent to Anger Management?

"Yes, supposedly. We didn't actually see it happen, though, that we didn't." Kenshin said.

"You said you did." Sano argued.

"No, I lied, that I did." Kenshin said happily. "I saw Shishio sneak out the back, that I did. He only faked dying to get away from the evil counselor, that he did. I didn't want to ruin it and make him sit through any more of that torture, that I did not."

"So you didn't want to torture Shishio, but it's okay to knock Aoshi unconscious with your sword." Sojiro said.

"I didn't knock Aoshi unconscious, that I didn't." Kenshin said.

"Yes, you did. He's laying over there twitching right now."

Kenshin looked over toward home plate. Aoshi was lying on his back, unconscious, in the midst of some very severe muscle spasms.

"Oops." Kenshin said. "I guess I did."

Sakura pointed her Wand at Argo. "Hey, you! Get this body off the field."

"But he's not even on my team!" Argo protested.

**"NOW!"**

Argo snapped to attention. "Yes, ma'am!" He ran onto the field, grabbed Aoshi by the hair and flung him out of the stadium.

"Very good." Sakura said. "You can go sit down now. Bad Guys pick two new players!"

While Yami Bakura was debating who to pick, Kenshin was standing on first, twiddling his thumbs, when he heard.

"Get your cotton candy here! Fresh cotton candy made yesterday! Get your cotton candy!"

Kenshin looked up at the stands and saw a single cotton candy vendor still trying to sell in the nearly empty stands (He had been restocking when everyone else left, so he had no idea what was going on).

**"SUGAR!"** Kenshin screamed. He ran to the outfield, vaulted over the wall with his sword, then ran toward the cotton candy vendor. The guy saw him coming, screamed, and started running in the other direction.

"Hey, wait!" Kenshin yelled. "Come back! I NEED SUGAR!"

The cotton candy guy ran out of the stadium like his life depended on it (which it probably does) with Kenshin right behind him.

Yami Bakura glared at Kanryu and yelled, "GET OFF MY LEG!"

Kanryu shrieked and ran back to first, where he stopped and grinned triumphantly.

"Look at me!" He gloated. "I'm so tough! I scared off the Battosai!"

Yami Bakura looked straight into the camera and said, "Please, get rid of this guy. He's driving me nuts. I don't care who replaces him. Just make him go away."

(Ok.)

Something huge, brown, and furry was shoved into Kanryu's face.

"Oo, Teddy's gonna eat you up! Chomp, chomp, chomp! You better watch out!"

Kanryu screamed and ran out of the stadium.

A little girl holding a teddy bear stood on first.

"Hey, everybody, my name's Rebecca! This is Teddy! The writer of this fanfic asked me to come play first base because the guy who was here before was a jerk."

Yami Bakura looked back into the camera. "Okay, I take it back. I do care who you pick. I can put up with the old people, the drunks, and the idiots, but there is NOT going to be a little kid on my team!"

(The kid stays.)

"The kid goes and she goes NOW!"

(The kid stays or I lock you in the announcer's box with Tea and no way to escape or kill her.)

Yami Bakura stopped arguing. Instead, he asked, "Why don't you do things like this to THEM?" He pointed at the Good Guys.

(Because I like them. Besides, haven't you heard that the Good Guys always win? It's, like, set in stone. Duh.)

"Why are you torturing ANY of us like this?" Yami Bakura asked.

Because it's entertaining. A lot of people out here are laughing right now because of this. And before you can say another word, part five is over! Please stand by for part six! (Dude, this thing's getting long.)


	7. Much Censorship

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kurama laughed loudly. His face was crimson and the dirt around him had turned into mud because of the tears that flowed steadily down his cheeks.

Sano and Joey looked at each other.

"I'm seriously getting sick of this." Sano said. "How about you?"

"Uh-huh." Joey replied. "Let's beat him up."

Joey and Sano leapt for Kurama.

The scene faded to black and the word "CENSORED" appeared in large white letters.

(Sorry, everybody, but there's some pretty gory stuff going on back there. It's impossible to describe the agony those two are inflicting on Kurama. Besides, I really don't want to poison anyone's mind any further cough-stalker-cough)

By the time the picture was restored, Joey and Sano were sitting on the bench, looking content, Kurama was gone, and Yahiko was sitting in his spot. Wong was in right field, Weevil was behind the plate, and Marie Louise had taken Kenshin's place on first. In addition, Argo had vanished and Genkai had taken his seat.

"How did you get here?" Hiei asked coldly.

"That man who was here before, Argo Gulski, he just disappeared into a wave of light while you were all watching Kurama get thrashed. I decided I would take his place and save time." Genkai replied, sipping a cup of tea.

"Well, I guess we're ready to begin." Tea said. "But, before that, I have a few words I would like to share with you." She unfurled a list that covered the entire floor of the announcer's box and cleared her throat. "My Theory on Friendship and How it Affects Humans: by Tea Gardner. Friendship is a many faceted thing. On one side, there is love, On another is trust. Still another is hope. Then some more love, some caring, a teaspoon of sugar and three cups of flour. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and- JOEY! Why do you always have to mess with my preplanned speeches?"

"Keep reading, Tea!" Joey yelled. "It gets better!"

"Okay!" Tea said. "And put them in the oven at three hundred and fifty degrees for thirty-nine hours, making sure to baste thoroughly every ten seconds with a mixture of cherry soda, dirt, scrap metal, ripped up cards from Bandit Keith's deck, and whiteout. Ew, Joey, that's disgusting!"

"Keep reading!" Joey urged. "It gets better!"

"Okay..." Tea said uncertainly. "Remove it from the oven and set it in a bomb shelter for twenty-two days, making sure the temperature stays at a constant negative one thousand degrees Fahrenheit. Then, on the evening of the harvest moon, sacrifice it to the gnomes, along with one virgin maiden. If a virgin maiden can't be found, substitute one evil friendship demon - I wonder where you would find one of those - but remember to bind and gag the sacrifice so her screaming doesn't wake the neighbors. Also, you should wear the traditional sacrificial outfit of a cape made from a curtain, one tall orange sock with black smiley faces on it (worn on the left foot, of course), an electric eel, and a patch of camel hair placed strategically upon your forehead, all topped by a pair of... very revealing... frilly pink underwear... Joey, that is so wrong. Where did you get all of this stuff?"

Joey shrugged. "I know some people."

(Thank you, thank you.)

"That's it." Tea said, throwing the paper away. "From now on, I'm winging it. Just for the prank, Joey, I'm going to review everything I know about the joys of friendship and love. The next few days should be very enlightening."

All of the players gave Joey the Death Glare.

The scene fades to black and the word "CENSORED" reappears, now in huge bloody letters.

(Once again, I'm afraid the following scene must be omitted. It's worse than with Kurama. ((peeks behind screen)) Ow, that had to hurt. It'll be a few minutes, so I'll keep you all entertained with a song. If you can guess what it's supposed to be, you get a prize!)

_I looked around the screen that bugged me so_

_And the fight goes on and I heave a huge laugh at him_

_It's heavy the anvil that they hit him with_

_Then it cracked like it was just a little stick_

_Now the huge fight down in the dugout_

_Has let up a bit_

_But they really are hurting him now_

_Those wooden baseball bats I _

_Guess they break too easy after all_

_If I could only end this game_

_I'm gonna have to or they'll strike. Yeah_

_Everything's real messed up_

_Inside my head_

_Every second_

_I sing_

_Is torturous to their ears_

_But that won't stop these notes from deep inside my brain_

_And soon I know_

_I'll be_

_Residing in a padded room_

_And now I must_

_End this song_

_It must seem really messed up to you_

_I don't understand it anymore_

_Caution: Contents May Be Hot_

_Whyyyyyyyyy Meeeeeeee?_

(THANK YOU! I know you love me! No, please, you're embarrassing! ((peeks behind screen again)) Okay, they're done now. Back to the game.)

Saisaichi sat in Joey's place, surrounded by bits of baseball bat and large red spots that look suspiciously like blood, but I'll just write them off as ketchup.

Up in the announcer's box, Tea babbled her head off about all the good things that can come out of friendship.

On the field, all of the players walk around the field in a zombie-like trance, ignoring Tea. They pick up all the baseballs they can find and are gathering them in a pile on the pitcher's mound. All of them have ketchup stains on their hands and clothing.

Only Sano was not in a trance. He stared at everyone else.

"What are you guys doing?" Sano asked.

The other players/zombies faced him. They circled him slowly, then leapt for his throat.

Static suddenly covers the screen.

(I think it's time I end this particular section of the story. The censors are glaring at me. I guess they're getting tired of hitting the little button. Why is everyone attacking people? What's with the sudden zombie-like players? What are they planning to do with all those baseballs? Find out in the next ((and last)) part of the Great Cartoon Baseball Game.)


	8. The Plot Vanishes

"Once more, we're back, and the author has so informed me that this is the last part of this fanfiction!" Tea said. "Isn't that awful? After this part is over, I won't be able to announce anymore. I know you're all as sad as I am," she wiped a tear from her eye, "but I'll be okay. I'm sure my friends will help me through this. Speaking of my friends, they're all doing something really weird. Since the end of part six a few weeks ago, they've just been gathering baseballs on the mound. Even the spectators and the left-over reserve players are out there. They've got a pretty big pile. Let's watch and see what they do."

A pile of baseballs fifty feet high was teetering on the pitcher's mound. The players are still staggering around the field, picking up MORE baseballs and throwing them in the pile.

(Where could they possibly be getting all these baseballs, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. The only possible explanation for this many baseballs is... IT'S RAINING BASEBALLS! Ahahahahahahaha!)

Sakura looked at all the madness around her and threw up her hands. "That's it, I'm outta here." She used the Fly Card to sprout wings and disappeared into the clouds above.

"**HIEI**!"

Everyone snapped out of their zombie trance at the sound of a seriously shrill voice screaming from the tunnel leading into the stadium.

The bars blocking the exits on the field froze and shattered. Yukina walked in.

"Hiei, you had better get your butt home right now!" Yukina scolded. "Father has been searching for you for over an hour! I swear there was steam shooting out of his ears! When I left, he was cursing all of Spirit World and threatening Koenma's life if he didn't have you found and brought home immediately. He said you were a juvenile delinquent who needed to be brought home in a police car."

"I'm not going." Hiei said stubbornly.

Yukina's eye twitched. "WHAT?"

"Tell Father to do his own stupid chores." Hiei said. "I'm not going."

Yukina twitched again and grabbed Hiei's ear. "You wanna bet?" She yanked hard and started to drag Hiei out of the stadium.

"NO!" Hiei shouted. "I'm not leaving! Not until we kill that stupid friendship witch up there! I can't rest until I know she's dead!"

Yukina glared at Hiei and he was instantly encased in a block of solid ice. She pointed at the two people nearest to her, Jinei and Sojiro.

"Hey, you two! Pick him up. You're going to carry him home for me."

Jinei laughed. "That's what you think."

Yukina's eyes turned red. "DO YOU WANT ME TO FREEZE YOU, TOO?"

"No!" They exclaimed.

"THEN PICK HIM UP!"

Jinei and Sojiro grabbed Hiei, heaved him onto their shoulders and followed Yukina off the field from a safe distance.

"I don't know what the world's coming to." Yukina muttered. "In the good old days, I didn't have to threaten people to make them do things for me."

(Go, Yukina! You show those numbskulls that women rule!)

"Hey, does this mean I'm on the team now?" Kuwabara asked.

"No." Kaoru said. "We're not playing anymore."

"That's what all the kids at school say, too!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "They'll be having fun, playing tag, then I ask to join and suddenly they quit! WHY? I JUST WANT TO BE INCLUDED! WHY DOES NO ONE LIKE ME?"

"Because you're a punk." Genkai said.

"Urameshi's a punk and everybody LOVES him! He's even got a girlfriend!"

"That's because Yusuke is a funny punk." Genkai said. "You're just a stupid punk." "Do you think we have enough?" Saisaichi asked, looking at the pile of baseballs.

"Looks good to me." Pegasus said, sipping some white "grape juice" from a wine glass.

"Then let's start." Rain said.

Everyone loaded their arms with baseballs and faced the announcer's box.

Grandpa stood at the front of the group, dressed in an old gray uniform that looked like it was from the Civil War. He pointed a long shiny sword toward the announcer's box and yelled, "Fire at will!"

The baseballs started to fly unchecked. The first wave smashed the windows of the announcer's box, sending shards of glass flying at Tea. They landed all around her, forming a perfect outline and pinning her to the wall. Then more baseballs came flying in. Hundreds of baseballs flew in, all hitting Tea at once and...bouncing off without leaving even a tiny bruise!

(What the (beep)! That's not supposed to happen!)

Tea laughed evilly. Her eyes were rolling around in their socket and slowly changing color until they were blood red.

(Oh. I forgot about that. Never mind.)

"Foolish human mortals!" Tea roared. "You cannot harm me! The power of friendship is on my side. It will protect me from your pitiful attempts to murder me, and when I get free, there will be heck to pay!"

The players stop throwing baseballs and stare at each other in disgust.

"Heck?" Yami Bakura said. "What kind of self-respecting all-powerful demon uses the word 'heck' in a death threat?"

"Yeah, to tell you the truth, it doesn't exactly make me want to beg for my life." Marie Louise said.

"MAI was scarier than that." Rex added.

"Oh, shut up!" Tea yelled. "I'm doing the best I can! I haven't got a lot of experience at the whole being evil thing! I just need some practice!"

"Can we kill her now?" Wong asked. "I want to go home. My coat's starting to come unglued and I can't have it falling off my shoulders now, can I?"

"Oh, yes, that would just be SO bad for you reputation." Master Asia said. He began to prance around the field. "Ooo, look at me, my coat fell on the ground. I'm so stupid and lazy I have to call my secretary in to pick it up for me."

"You wanna fight?" Wong asked, raising his hand. "I don't need a secretary around to help me make this hand into a fist!"

His fingers twitched for a couple seconds, but they only bent halfway, then somehow twisted themselves into a huge knot.

Master Asia started laughing.

"Well, what do we do now?" Weevil asked. "We can't kill her with the baseballs and we're too lazy to walk up all those stairs and finish her."

(Hold on. I have an idea!)

Typing furiously, the writer of the fanfic (me) quickly logs onto the internet and composes an email.

(And send. There we go, all done.)

"Now what?" Megumi asked.

(Wait for it.)

The door to the announcer's box burst open and white light flooded in. A large, misshapen shadow was sitting in the doorway.

"Okay, cut the spotlight." The shadow said.

The light turned off and Yami was sitting in the doorway on the back of a large wooden sawhorse.

"We couldn't find a real one on such short notice." Yami explained.

(Don't care. On to what he's wearing)

Yami was wearing nothing but buckles. Both his shirt and pants were composed entirely of buckles.

"Actually, these aren't really pants." Yami said. "I didn't have any clean ones, so I put on a pair of black underwear and a bunch of buckles to make it look like pants."

(Did. NOT. Need. To. Know. Thank you much. To continue.)

There is a buckle on every spike in his hair. He has a buckle around his forehead, buckle earrings-

"Hey, I have a buckle belly button ring, too." Yami said. "You wanna see it?"

(NO!)

Buckles around his fingers, and buckles at one inch intervals around his belt. There's a belt holding him on the sawhorse made of buckles. Even his shoes have buckles instead of laces.

Yami shrugged. "I never learned to tie them."

(That's great, but could you please get on with the dramatic dialogue? I've got a schedule to keep.)

"Oh." Yami jumped up, the buckle belt around his waist bringing the sawhorse with him. It was now hanging from his back. He cleared his throat to make his voice deeper.

"I'm here to stop you, evil demon! You shall harm no more innocents here on this day, for I have come to slay you...but, since the writer can't stand blood, I'll just send you to the Shadow Realm."

(Thanks.)

"Hey, no problem." Yami pointed his palm at Tea and called upon the power of his Millennium Puzzle. "_Mind Shatter!_"

The entire scene inverted colors for a split second, then Tea heaved and puked a huge black shadow all over the floor.

"Ewww..." Yami said, prancing about on his tiptoes, trying not to step in the black spew.

There was a loud flushing noise and the shadow began to swirl, around and around, toward the center of the floor, where it was sucked into the Shadow Realm.

"NOOOO!" The shadow screamed. "I must have my revenge! I will return! I swear it!"

"Oh, so NOW it starts swearing." Yami Bakura muttered.

Tea's eyes went back to normal and she was crying.

"You saved me from that evil monster!" Tea said. "I LOVE YOU!"

She pulled off the wall, sending glass shards flying, and ran to Yami, arms outstretched, making kissing noises.

Yami shrieked. He put the sawhorse's legs back on the floor and shouted, "Ride like the wind, Splinters!"

The sawhorse, being an inanimate object, didn't move.

"Get me out of here now or I'll throw you in the wood chipper!" Yami yelled.

The sawhorse reared up and bolted out the door. The only thing keeping Yami on its back was the buckle-studded belt wrapped around the two of them.

"Well, that was strange." Rando said.

"I don't understand it!" Yami Bakura yelled. "Why didn't he kill her? WHY? He had the perfect opportunity!"

Yahiko smacked Yami Bakura and pointed to home plate, where everyone else was staring. Ilube stood there.

"Oh, look, Scarface is back." Kaoru said.

"SHUT UP!" Ilube yelled. "I told you to stop making fun of me!"

"What are you going to do about it?" Megumi asked. "Have your mommy come out here and teach us a lesson?"

"No." Ilube said. "I couldn't find my mommy. I brought my big brother instead."

A huge monstrosity of a human being lumbered out of the shadows. It had a tiny body, but its head is the size of a blimp!

(Well, I guess the unproportioned body is genetic.)

"I heard yoose guys was making fun of my baby bro." The creature said. "I'm here to make sure it stops. Permanently."

Ilube's brother took a deep breath and belched a stream of fire at the players, incinerating every one of them. Then he picked Ilube up and left.

(Well, that's the end. Pretty anticlimactic, huh?)

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW  
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

(Hold up. I think we missed somebody.)

Marik is still chained against the wall of the stadium, now screaming in pain from the hit he took in the eye waaaay back in part one.

(Wow. I forgot about him.)

"MY EYE! MY EYE! OH, IT HURTS! MAKE THE PAIN STOP! GIVE ME SOME VODKA! SOME DOPE! SOME PCP! ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!"

(It took THAT long for the pain from part one to reach his only remaining brain cell? It must be like deep space in Marik's head. Vast, dark, and EMPTY! Oh, well. That's the end folks. There is no more.)

No, seriously, that's it. You can go away now.

Why are you still here! It's over! Get on with your life!

That's it, I'm out of here. Later.

The End


End file.
